Saturday, April 16, 2005

Hideo Nomo: Formerly No-No, Now Just Slomo

You know, originally this was going to be about how Japanese pitchers seem to get better once they leave the Dodgers. But then Nomo sucked, sort of ruining that opportunity. I also briefly considered talking about Randy Johnson's habit of picking his nose in the dug-out - and then going out and pitching with that very same hand. But I suppose I should've talked about that Friday since the game had been the night before.

So here I am, reduced to talking about how Jorge Cantu is Nomar's long-lost younger brother. I mean, look at those ears! And that nose! Either they're related, or the genes for nose-type and ear size are located on the same gene.

Speaking of making fun of Devil Rays players, why on Earth was the bill to Nomo's hat broken? A., he hasn't been with the Rays very long, and B., he's a freaking major league starting pitcher - can't they give him another one? Oh, oops, we're talking about the Devil Rays. They're roster costs $25 mil a year for a reason - tight-fisted owners. So now poor Nomo is going to have to cope with a bad ERA and a broken hat. Poor guy, you'd think after having a decent ten-year career (with some really hot spots, actually) would mean you could at least get a hat that was in good condition.

Oh, and if you were wondering where some of your favorite boy band singers of the 90's have disappeared to, we have found where at least one of them is: in the Devil Rays bullpen. Yes, Lance Carter, we have located you at last. And it turns out that you can neither sing nor pitch.

Now, the game is at hand so I will leave you with one last knock on the Devil Rays: look at their homepage. It says "Watch it happen." on the top bar. Watch what happen? The team suck and the ownership make stupid moves as usual? Watch the clearly masochistic Devil Rays fans faithfully attend games they know the Rays' will probably lose? Watch a team that has not been able to succeed at all despite the fact that their counterpart in the National League has won a world series title?


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