Sunday, July 25, 2004

"Our Catcher Can Beat Up Your Metrosexual!"

Okay, so I can’t claim creative rights to that title. I lifted it from a thread on the RemDawg message board. But, really, could it have been put any better?

Yesterday’s game really was good. I hadn’t meant to watch it, expecting just sheer agony, but then I got sucked in when I went to see what they were screeching about on the radio. What a brawl! Varitek going after A-Fraud’s prep school class president’s face was perfect. I gleefully created a background for my computer with the picture of that, and was a tad disappointed that A-Fraud’s face wasn’t really all that damaged. The New York Times this morning were quick to pin blame on Varitek, but as I recall it was A-Fraud who waltzed down the line screeching indignant “F*** you!”s at Arroyo. During the actual brawl, though, you’ll be quick to notice Arroyo did not get involved. Considering that the guy looks like he weighs 93 pounds, this was probably a smart decision on his part.

Sturtze should’ve been ejected. He went after Kapler’s neck, really, which is a bit odd because it was a very personal attack by a player who doesn’t have any history with Kapler. Lofton’s ejection left many viewers with a collective, “Huh?” And the fact that Kapler and Lofton’s ejection wasn’t announced to us viewers was a bit confusing, as after the brawl they just sort of seemed to evaporate into thin air (well, evaporate after Kapler was standing in the dugout still yelling and gesticulating).

When Bellhorn came up to bat in the bottom of the inning, he looked clueless as ever. He probably had no idea that a brawl had even occurred. I don’t even remember him in the brawl (although, given that it was almost the entirety of both benches, it would be easy to lose track of someone). He probably picked up a paper this morning and when he saw that the cover photo for the sports’ section was of Varitek messing up A-Fraud’s smarmy face, yelled to whomever was nearby, “Hey, what’s this about a brawl?”

Oh, sorry. He probably doesn’t read newspapers. Oh well, he’d only be joining the majority of America, really.

During the bottom of the 5th, Pedro and Manny were deeply involved in a discussion of hair in the dugout. They appeared to be trading hair tips, as Manny fingered his locks, stretching them out to show how their gerri curl is falling out. Pedro said something, and Manny laughed. But Pedro remained looking like a guy who hasn’t slept in a few weeks and needs some botox under the eyes. I know Pedro always looks like he’s about to fall asleep during games, but he just looked ragged and worn down last night. Has he been swapping parasites with Giambi?

Speaking of hair tips, A-Fraud the Metro should probably give Matusi some tips on skincare. Matusi looks like he never really got rid of the acne that plagued him when he was fifteen. I thought that Asian men were supposed to not have issues with oily skin. Maybe the Metro could also give Matusi tips on fielding --- Matsui did a very crappy job last night.

At the same time as the hair tip swap fest, Millar was picking at his cuticles, and, uhh, apparently eating whatever was there. What, got some chicken caught there? Or have you not been to your manicurist lately? Oh, I got it! You don't have enough money to feed yourself, as Ty Law obviously cannot manage to feed himself on $10 million dollar salary cap. A man like you making $3.3 mil obviously cannot afford to feed himself if Ty Law can't on a $10 mil salary. Tsk, tsk, the world is getting pretty unfair, isn't it?

Alright, I'll stop needlessly beating up on Millar. He had three homers Friday night, and an RBI single last night. There's no need to make fun of him right now. Even if it is really easy to.

The sixth inning was pain. Leskanic's approach to the pitchers mound made me flip the channels away, far far away, and I spent the remainding 6th inning (along with the entire 7th, and most of the 8th) watching Signs. Good movie. I took it as a sign that if aliens could attack Earth, but then leave us alone, maybe the Sox had a prayer of winning. So as credits rolled, it was back to the game. And, scarily enough, I came back to see a Ramiro Mendoza pitching. "Oh, geez, "I thought, "It's the end after all."

Was I ever wrong. Despite Nomar's awful strike-out in the bottom of the 8th, he came back to use his super OCD powers to hit a double in the 9th. Advanced to third on Trot's fly-out, then got home on Millar's single. And then, a Mueller home run. And, oh! Sweet victory.

A repeat would be nice, but with Lowe on the mound, I doubt it. Ah well, maybe he'll suprise us. If Mendoza can be a winning pitcher, then I'm sure Lowe can manage to pull it off, too...

Salary figures on Ty Law and Kevin Millar were taken, respectively, from USA Today and Boston Baseball. Comment on Asian men not typically having oily skin is taken from my public school and Chinatown experiences and is not intended to offend. Upon inspection of box scores, despite Kapler and Lofton's apparent ejections, only A-Fraud, Varitek, and Francona are listed as having been ejected. Box scores taken from mlb.com were used to check figures from the game against what I recalled, so as not to publish any false information.

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