Thursday, July 01, 2004

A Modest Proposal

Nomar sucks. There isn't much else you can say about him. And I don't think it's just bitterness, either. In my opinion, he's never going to be the same after his injury earlier this season. And it looks like he's gonna be gone before we can blink an eye.

But, I do have a suggestion: sacrifice Nomar.

Here's how it works: we sacrifice Nomar to the gods of baseball, the Red Sox might have a slightly higher chance than the nonexistent one they have right now for managing to crawl into the play-offs. It could even make more money for the Red Sox organization, and maybe they could shop around for a cheap relief pitcher. They could make a special event out of it, "Sacrifice Day at Fenway". See? It even rhymes. People like things that rhyme.

So, we mark off a day on the calendar when the Sox are out of town, and open up the ballpark for people so they can sell tickets to the sacrifice of Nomar. All types of gods adore blood sacrifices, so the baseball gods should love this. Throw him on a pyre or something similar, and afterwards allow the fans to buy ashes for $5 an ounce. Then watch a game on the Jumbotron and see the Red Sox kick the arses of whomever they are playing that evening, and know that the gods of baseball liked the sacrifice very much. Hell, we could even throw Cesar Crespo in as a package deal! (I have nothing against Crespo, though --- he just isn't major league material yet.)

Oh, yes, and welcome to my blog. I just started and hope I haven't offended --- yet.


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